EAST YATES STREET, TINY TOWN, USA –– This is the first in a series of hard-hitting reports on the theft of service in Tiny Town that manifests itself as The Pothole.
These pits and ruts pocking our roadways cause inestimable damage to auto stabilizer arms, suspension systems and drivers' eye teeth. They cause sudden loss of communication on cell phones and result too in spilt beverages which can cause burns and unsightly stains that lead to the use of detergents and dry cleaning fluids which destroy the planet. It's an ugly cycle.
But more importantly, our transportation unit at TTT.com is concerned with the disappearance of domestic animals and in some cases, entire persons, and the possible link between these missing creatures and the perennial potholes moonscaping the streets of Tiny Town. Could these potholes in fact be a portal to another dimension entirely? If so, what manner of place would we envision? Do we see a better place for these lost souls? A sort of limbo? A dark lounge with ice tinkling in rocks glasses? EcoVillage?
We leave it up to you, dear readers, to pursue this line of inquiry more deeply.
To be fair to the Dept. of Public Quirks, crews have indeed hot-patched sections of E. York Street. This amounts to leaving No Parking signs up for 10 weeks in advance of the job. Just when neighbors think it is safe to park on the street again, crews show up at 5:30 a.m. mad as hornets, make a lot of noise then fall asleep in the cabs of large diesel burning trucks that chug in high idle until about 9 a.m. The boys squeeze out of the trucks, stretch, spit, and rearrange some orange cones at either end of the street They sit for a spell, maybe have a smoke and then, just before one of those pain in the ass DPQ bosses show up, start spreading some day old coffee grounds mixed with rabbit glue and gravel into a hole and back over it with the biggest guy on the crew. Don't feel bad for him, he gets free beers for the effort come lunch time, which follows quickly on the heels of the hot-patching.
It's a marvel these quick fixes last as long as they do -- up to a week in some cases.
But again in doing this work, are we closing off the return route for missing animals and others who have fallen into a dimension beyond our purview?
Or are we just getting ripped off by a city that doesn't have trouble raising taxes but has trouble with the idea of bidding street jobs out to contractors who, working on a deadline and trying to make a buck, actually have an incentive to get the job done quickly and professionally.
More pothole reports to come.
–– H. Penbroke Handy