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Best SnowMan in Tiny Town: Thank the Doods at 519 S. Plain Street

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Tiny Town, USA – This is the best Snowman in Tiny Town. We say so because we know so. We saw it constructed with wild abandon and a lot of honking enthusiasm from motorists passing by the work-in-progress.

The piece was rolled, piled thorax-by-abdomen-by-head, decorated and adorned on Friday, Feb. 7, by three steely young men of Tiny Town's Great Southside Community. They went at their work with an Ithacan-American spirit seldom seen in the wimpling transplants and come-backarounds who are land banking on our sacred quarters, stolen from the Cayuga Indians by the orders of George Washington, America's first CEO, the land drained and dumped on, backed-over, farmed, desecrated by industry, developed by Titus and DeWitt orthogonally and now whore to the willywaws of a real estate bubble sustained by those who would least like us to know they are affiliated with the one-percenters if not in gold then in the getting at it and by and by running the prices up up and away along all these once sweet working people's streets so that only a Californian can live here.

When that comes to pass people, this Great Snowman (no, not snow-person, nor a MAN of SNOW, but by the balls of Geronimo, A SNOW MAN, gawdammit!), with real chunks of coal for buttons and a genuine carrot pulled from the earth for a nose, honest-to-ruminant antlers from a buck hunted honestly and given to stew and share and home goods, and a blood-red helmet cuz those billy-clubs hurt when you fight the mutha-frackers and real work gloves for workers who use their bodies to get a thing done and a lacrosse stick to honor the American Indians we stole the sport from and never did win, when the Californians who are New Yorkees turn around and come back here to buy us out the snake will have swallowed of itself whole and final and this damned fine showpiece of a Snow Man will be long gone, thank goodness and mercy, charity and faith, and all those other things this town and this country have almost run out of.

– P. Cumulus, Maker of Clouds

Last Updated on Sunday, 10 February 2013 06:38
 

Together We Can Handle Daylight-Losing-Time

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When the going gets dark, The Dark become invisible. Please enjoy this Invitation to the Eye Ball as we transition toward Solstice, 12.21.12 ... Quetzalcoatl's coming, to tiny town.

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A tinytowntimes.com prouction under the direction TheAmericanLynx.com Creations, itself a distant Third to BertnSallyParenting and MassivelyMishandled.com ...

Codex:

"We're All Under a Terrible Strain"

and

"Fortune Favors the Brave"

Thank you for visiting.

The Boss-person

Last Updated on Thursday, 03 January 2013 20:50
 

Veteran's Day Parade in Tony Town, 2011

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A Good Day for a Duck Race

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Tiny Town, USA – Okay. So they weren't rubber ducks. They were plastic. We have yet to find out where the ducks were made.  On Sunday, April 25, 2,727 of these toys, "billed" at five bucks a piece and purchased mostly by local residents, were launched from Cascadilla Falls (or so we are told, we weren't there for the launch) and in a pelting rain, bobbled downstream in clusters and flocks toward the finishing line just beyond the zodiac footbridge between Willow and Lake Streets. 

Fifty "winners" announced at the 2010 Cornell Cooperative Extension Duck Race, sponsored by numerous area enterprises. Although extension online promotions referred to rubber ducks, none of the contestants were made of anything more than plastic manufactured in a foreign country where rubber ducks are still considered a delicacy. In appearance, these were not traditional toy ducks as some old school folks recall, but exotic hipsta ducks sporting sunglasses, an absolutely unnecessary accessory considering Sunday's dismal quench.

Back at extension headquarters there were booths, a petting zoo of sorts with actual ducks; alluring, but decidedly non-dolphin safe music performed by a group no one ever heard of before, led by a very familiar white guy with a low-tar cigarette voice; tee-shirt sales, compost displays (not to be confused with the cheap grub) and games; and, inside the facility, face painting, electric shows and the slow business of accounting for each duck launched. The elaborate tabulation system proved trying for the duck sorters and certainly germs and viruses prevailed. Ducks within certain groups of numbers were sorted and binned, then placed on numbered spaces on a waterproof sheet atop several folding tables. Volunteers were in full control of the situation and no injuries were reported although several contestants lost their heads in the race. Tears were shed. See slideshow.

Since Tiny Town Times purchased several ducks that didn't place in the top 50, we have decided to be really spoiled sports and send you to the following site for more information: http://ccetompkins.org/4h/activities-events-0/prizes-winners.

The day's events included a 5K race and we couldn't be less interested in the outcome of that if you paid us back for the ducks. 

All proceeds from duck purchases go to supporting Cooperative Extension activities that we wholeheartedly support. It is one local as well as statewide program supported through EduCorp's efforts (and monies from New York taxpayers) that we fully endorse without reserve.  We also like the Paleontological Research Institute, but not as much.

– Clayton Derson, Special to the TinyTownTimes

All photographs by Frankie14850, staff shutterbug

 

Last Updated on Tuesday, 27 April 2010 23:21
 

Ghosts of the Gun

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Originally posted in the Cornell Alumni Magazine and part of a Feb. 2009 exhibit at the Gimme! coffee shop on N. Cayuga St. in Tiny Town, USA

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Last Updated on Friday, 15 January 2010 17:29
 
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